


SlayersCROSS

by Zuzanny



Category: Slayers (Anime & Manga), Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Crossover, Fic from 2000, Gourry is Gourry, Lina is hungry, Poor Wesley, Probably discontinued, Xellos enjoys messing with Zel, Zelgadis needs coffee, beware the Borg of Justice, coz it's funny, silliness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:28:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26695282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zuzanny/pseuds/Zuzanny
Summary: Lina miscast a teleportation spell. Now the Slayers crew (plus Naga The Serpent & Xellos) are in the reality of Star Trek Next Gen!





	1. "Captain, we have a sorceress off the port bow. She's demanding food."

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, started this fic in 2000! i think it is actually my very first fanfic.  
> I have edited some spelling and stuff to post it here.

This is my first part of my Slayers crossover with Star Trek: Next Generation. It still needs a lot of work, and most likely it is out of character, but they're not mine to start with, so don't blame me. All I know about Xellos is through the internet, so the OOC thing probably really shows. By the way, I obviously don't know very much Japanese, so the spelling and what ever phrasing is most likely to be wrong. Sorry.)

SlayersCROSS

by Zuzanny

Part one:

"Captain, we have a sorceress off the port bow. She's demanding food."

(INSERTLINEBREAKHERE)

The Starship Enterprise's away team of six landed on a particularly barren looking part of a planet and were scouting around for signs of life. So far they had found none. Just large red rocks and red sand. Data was looking at his triquater, when suddenly there was a huge flash of light from behind some tall boulders off to the side a bit, and his triquater lit up. This was followed by a soft but agitated male voice accusing: "What did you DO?"

Data stepped closer, cautiously. He peered between a crack in the boulders and spied what looked to be the back of a little girl with long red hair and a black cloak. She had one gloved hand behind her head and was laughing nervously. There were others with her, but he could not see them from this angle.

Data pressed his com link. "Captain," He said quietly.

"OH HO HO HO HO HO HO HOOOOO! " Came an ear piercing noise from further around the boulders. This was followed by a group of groans. "She has just proven that she is no where near as great the sorceress as I, Naga the serpent am renown for being! OH HO HO HO HO! The flat chested little girl miss cast the teleportation spell! OH HO HO HO HO HO!"

The flat chested little girl in question very casually said the words: "Fireball." And there was an explosion and a scream and suddenly a smoking, scantly clad woman with long purple hair flew up into the air. Data watched her go up, up, up... Then down , down down... making a crater by his feet.

"Miss Lina," Came an annoying even younger little girl's voice. "That was incredibly unjust of you to do that. You're so mean..."

"Fireball."

Another explosion and scream, and seconds later a small girl with short purple hair and beige clothing landed, smoking, on top of the one in front of Data, causing an even greater crater. She puffed out some smoke. Her eyes were large and swirling. "Miss Lina...? Oouch..."

The soft male voice said some thing, to which the one referred to as 'Lina' retorted with an angry: "Back off Zel! I'm hungry! I want some food!"

By this time the rest of the away team had gathered by Data's side. "Captain," He continued. "it appears that there is life on this planet after all..."

"What was that?!" The one called Zel hissed.

"What?" Lina snapped.

"I heard something."

Lina's tone brightened with hope. "Any thing that sounds like food?!"

"Hush!"

"Gourry, go see what that noise is." Lina ordered some one.

"Do I have to?" Came another young man's voice.

"It could be edible! NOW GOURRY!"

"Alright, alright!" There came a yelp from the new voice and a scrabbling noise as he attempted to climb the rocks at an impossible speed.

"You don't have to fireball him Lina! He's going! Power it down!"

"He's not moving fast enough!"

"What do you expect! Don't bother trying to climb that Gourry, I'll go." To the girl: "And would you stop making such a racket! You've probably made enough noise to scare what ever it was away! Rei wing!"

The away team watched as this person referred to as Zel floated up in the air inside a bubble and looked down on them. He was dressed in beige all over, including a hooded cape and a mask over most of his face. What they could see of his face was an odd blue color with splotches and his hair shone almost metallic in the sun. He landed on top of the boulder, surprise evident in his eyes. This soon turned to irritation. "Oh, great."

"Have you found any thing yet?!" Lina raged from the other side.

"Come look for yourself." Jumping effortlessly to the ground he knelt beside the smoldering females, and watched the googling away team with irritation. He pulled his hood further over his head.

"Alright, I will! Levitation!"

"Wait!" Gourry cried. "Don't leave me behind in this food forsaken place! LIIINA!"

"Come on!" Very irritated now.

Seconds later, 'Lina' was standing beside 'Zel' with a very distressed 'Gourry' clinging to her leg in sheer terror. "AAAAAAaaaaagghh! Don't drop me LIIIINA! PLEEEEEEEASE don't drop me! I'm falling! I'm falling! SAVE ME! Aaaaaggh!"

"Gees, Gourry." She sneered. "Get a grip." Then she saw the away team for the first time. "Eh? Who are you?"

"I am First officer Reiker of the Federation Starship Enterprise." Reiker (standing beside Data) said. "This is Lieutenant commander Data. Who are you?"

Suddenly the smoldering scantly clad woman was no longer smoldering and was standing directly in front of Reiker. "I am the most beautiful, intelligent and powerful sorceress, Naga " She stomped the ground, making her impossibly large chest wobble. "the white serpent! Naga" She stomped again. "the serpent! OH HO HO HO HO HO HO!" She looked Reiker up and down. "Hmmm... not bad looking. But the tightness of your clothes is just so inappropriate. OHHOHOHOHOHOHOOO!"

Reiker just stared at her chest. "That CAN'T be natural." He thought.

Lina and her companions turned to Naga with a look of sheer disbelief.

"You're a great one to talk about inappropriate clothing." Lina muttered. Then she put on her big smiley face. "I'm Lina Inverse. Those two over there are Zel and Amelia. You wouldn't by any chance happen to have any food on you, would you? Huh?" Big puppy dog eyes.

Reiker and Data exchanged glances.

"Hi!" The tall guy in blue, with long blond hair, body armor and a sword smiled hugely. "I'm Gourry." He turned back to Lina. "Where are we again? This doesn't look like a kitchen at all." Lina smacked him over the head. "Oow!"

While they were introducing themselves, Zel leaned over the little girl 'Amelia' who was still lying in the crater. He lifted her shoulders up off of the crushed earth, supporting her neck with his hand. "Amelia." He whispered. She made no move. "you are still alive, aren't you?" Data watched from where he stood next to Reiker (who was being coo-ed over by Naga and harassed for food by Lina). Zel held her close listening to her heart beat and breath. "Good. You're not dead."

Big blue eyes snapped open. "Mister Zelgadis!" The annoying little girl cried with joy. "You really DO care!" Little girl arms were flung around his neck, giving him a face full of bosom, taking him completely by surprise.

Zel's eyes bugged. His face went beet red. The little girl's arms only squeezed tighter.

"I knew it was only a matter of time before you announced to the world that you and I could Join Together with our True Love and create a Justice Loving World, free from the influence of Evil and Nastiness!"

Zel pried her hands off of him, dropped her- gasping for air, and tried to hide his blush by readjusting his hood and mask. "Wake up Amelia. You're delusional." He stood and walked over to Lina.

Amelia became all teary eyed, and grabbed a rock from inside the crater. "Mister Zelgadis! You're so MEEEEEAN!" She threw it and it hit him in the back of his head.

Zel span quickly. "What the HELL-" His eyes turned to different sides of his head and he started to sag to the side. "-wazzz tha... frrr..."

He fell flat on his face.

Lina and her group stared. Amelia stared. The Away team stared.

"Oh no! Mister Zelgadis what did I do?" Amelia scrambled forward and tried to role him over. She failed. "You're too heavy for me!"

"OH HO HO HO HO HOOOO! Your traveling companion does look funny when he is unconscious, Lina! OH HO HO HO HO!"

"Shut up, Naga!" Lina jumped to his side.

"I didn't know Amelia could throw things that hard!" Gourry exclaimed. "Wow! Hey that's cool!"

"She can't." Lina frowned. "And it's NOT cool. Amelia, did you enhance your throw so you could hurt him?"

"Maybe a little." Amelia said meekly from Zel's side. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!"

"Sh-yeah, right." Lina rolled her eyes. "You know, that was an incredibly unjust thing for you to do."

"I said I was sorry!" She growled at Lina's group. "Now come on, and help me help him!"

"Woah... Oh well." Lina knelt beside her fallen friend, prodding his shoulder. "Come on Zel, time to wake up."

"Excuse me?" Data interrupted. They all looked at him. "May I be of assistance?" He stepped forward and picked Zel up into his arms, like he was nothing at all.

"Woah."

Naga drooled. "OHHH! That is impressive."

Zel's mask slipped down to about his chin, and his hood fell back, revealing his stony skin and metallic spikes for hair. Reiker and the rest of the team were surprised.

"It appears that his skin is completely made up of rock, sir." Data said to Reiker. "It is fascinating that he is still able to move without the elasticity of flesh skin."

"Yeah yeah yeah, really fascinating." Lina looked up at the two men. "Can we have our friend back now?"

"First, tell us what you are doing here on an unpopulated planet." Reiker ordered.

"OH HO HO HO HO HOOO! The little girl, my rival, miscast a teleportation spell and instead of delivering us into a kitchen filled with never ending piles of food and alcahole, we ended up here! OH HO HO HO HO HO!"

Every one cringed. Even Zel, and he was unconscious.

Lina took some very deep breaths, then turned to Naga. "How many times have I got to tell you, SHUT UP!"

Data cocked his head and looked at the back of Zel's head, as he felt something run down his arm. Something dark red/black. "Oh my. I do believe that your companions is more seriously injured than previously appeared. I would suggest we take him back to the med bay."

"Oh no!" Amelia gasped, then turned with pleading eyes to the red head. "Oh no miss Lina! Please tell me I haven't killed my One True Love in a moment of Impassioned Heatedness?!"

"Yeah, that would just be so unjust, wouldn't it." Lina replied under her breath. Out loud she said to Reiker: "If you take Zel some where, we all are going too."

"Fair enough. Transporter, ten to beam up."

(INSERTLINEBREAKHERE)

Lina and her crew had been watching everything that happened to Zel like hawks... They really HAD been. Honest. It's just now... A boy named Wesley had introduced them to the replicator and they were now inhaling food faster than the machine could make it. Zel was left in the med bay alone with that red headed doctor lady. That Wesley kid had said she was his mother? Yeah. Oh well! Back to the FOOD!

(INSERTLINEBREAKHERE)

Slowly his eyes opened, then closed quickly as the light stabbed down, attacking his sight. "Itaii..." He hissed, catching the doctor's attention. She came over, while he sat up, rubbing his bandaged head.

"How are you feeling, Mister Greywords?" She asked, waving some kind of box over his head.

"Nanni?" He stared at her, then looked around the bay. "Nan-di!"

"I'm Doctor Crusher. You were brought in from the planet below after you had a nasty blow to the head. Do you remember?"

He gave her a strange look, then said something in a language that she recognized, but did not understand.

"Computer, what language is he speaking?"

"Japanese." Came the reply.

Zel looked around trying to find where the voice came from.

"Computer, translate into Japanese: Every thing will be fine, you are in the med bay of the Starship Enterprise. You have a concussion, and it appears you are now speaking a different language."

The computer translated, and Zel blinked in surprise. He looked around again, then said something. Dr. Crusher held her hands up in a 'wait' motion, then went over to the replicator. After some moments there she returned to his side, and presented him with an ear piece and a clip-on thing. He looked from the thing, to her, to the thing, then back to her, raising his eye brows skeptically. She demonstrated how he should put them on, then handed the bits over to him. Still he gave her a skeptical look, but he put it on any way.

"Can you understand me now?" She asked.

"Yes." He seemed surprised. "How?"

"You are now wearing a portable, personal universal translator."

"Where are the others? The ones I came with?" He asked in English. Well, sort of. (or confederate. What ever it is that they speak in the future.). Dr. Crusher smiled down at him.

"They just left to get something to eat."

He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. "Then they will be gone for some time."

"Really? Why do you say that?"

"As long as there is food left, they will be there to eat it."

"...Oh."

(INSERTLINEBREAKHERE)  
Naga belched, leaning back with her feet on the table in a quite unlady-like manner. She leaed back against the chair, letting passer bys stare at her unnatural proportions as though she was on display. And, one might add, enjoyed the publicity immensley. Her face was quite red from the amount of... what ever that was she had sculled several bottles of, and she now had fixed her eyes on that nice young man who had given them the grand tour of the ship. (Well, it's food area). Heh heh heh... Was he in for a lucky night!

(INSERTLINEBREAKHERE)  
Wesley noticed that large chested lady smiling at him in a most suggestive way, and discreetly as possible (while walking backwards in an awkward run), got the hell out of there. He did not mind girls looking at him like that, in fact he often wished they would. But a woman like that? She just was not natural. *shudder!* It would now take him weeks to get those images out of his head!

(INSERTLINEBREAKHERE)  
Gourry stared wide eyed out the window at the stars that were out there. "Wow..." He breathed. "Lina. Hey, Lina! Come look at all the stars! They're so close!"

Lina took the opportunity to snag something off of his plate, and in fact had finished off his plate completely by the time he had even noticed.

"Hey! That's unfair!" He cried.

Lina simply smiled and continued eating.

Amelia... Well, she was not there. Where was she? Come to think of it none of them had seen her since they were teleported onto this ship. Where had she gotten to? She was probably visiting Zel, and annoying the crap out of him as usual. Oh well! There was still food coming! YAYAYAYAYAAY!

(INSERTLINEBREAKHERE)  
Annoying alarms were going off in the bridge. Lights were flashing, and people were scurrying around to their proper positions.

"Sensors have detected a vessel approaching." Someone called out. (I don't remember who it would be right this moment. Sorry!)

"On screen." Captain Piccard ordered in his brisk, mostly calm yet accented voice. It was done. A large cube was spinning around in space, racing towards them. "Oh dear Lord! It's the Borg! Reverse thrusters! Get us the hell out of here! Warp nine!" No one argued.

In a few seconds the starship Enterprise was on it's way to the other side of the galaxy. The crew did not notice that the Borg were not even remotely interested in the ship (for once), and in fact had begun to descend down onto the planet the away team had just been scouting. The Borg had picked up on and incredibly strong power strike a few hours previously, and wanted to find out what was behind it.

On the planet below, the little girl that was missing from the Starship wandered over the red sands in a miserable fit of sobs.

"Miss Lina! How could you leave me behind like this! AGAIN!" Her fountains of tears were the only drops of water that had hit the surface of that patch of land for a long time. "I'm HUUUUUNGRY! WaaaaaaaH!"

A square shaped shadow passed over her and she looked up. And up. And up. And up some more. The water works were now forgotten.

"I wonder what that could be...?"

(INSERTLINEBREAKHERE)  
Half way across the galaxy...

"Hey! Are you really made of stone? How is that possible? Were you born like that? Is that planet we visited your home planet?" It was a young man in a red uniform, with a group of others dressed in a similar fashion.

Zel frowned, narrowing his eyes in annoyance. "...No. This is not how I was born. It is only my skin that is stone. Now please leave me alone." He tried to walk on, but these people continued to follow him, shooting questions at him, and generally giving him a head ache.

"Where did you come from then?"

"What's your name?"

"Is that a real sword?"

"Why are you wearing all beige when darker colors are all in fashion?"

"How come when you speak your lips move at a different time than your voice?"

Zel raised his eyebrows. He did not know about the lip thing.

"Why is your skin blue, when all of the rocks on that planet were red?"

"If your skin really is rock, is it rock all over? Can ...I see?" The tone of voice coming from that one was particularly... wrong.

"WHAAAAT?!" Zel cried spinning to face the owner of that voice, glaring and baring his teeth like a wild animal, he drew his sword, holding it out defensively. "YOU!"

"Me." The young man with purple (chin/shoulder length) hair, and the most irritating and large smile anyone had ever thought possible was sitting cross legged in the air. Floating about shoulder height, and dressed in the same red uniform as the others were. He also carried with him an interesting looking stick with a red jewel at the top. He waved casually. "Hello there Zelly boy. What, not happy to see me? Awww, I'm cut, truly I am."

The crew only just seemed to notice that he was floating, and Zel was bothered that it did not really seem to surprised them. They were more surprised at the fact that this blue, rock-for-skin, person had drawn his sword and was glowing and unnatural blue colour. He looked about ready to kill some one. Actually, more just kill the floating guy.

"What do you want, Xellos." Zel hissed. "How did you get here? No, don't answer that. I know, 'it's a secret'! Fruitcake."

Xellos changed his position so he was lying down on his stomach, hands under his chin, and drifted towards Zel, his grin somehow defying all possibilities and getting bigger.

"Get away from me." Zel snapped as Xellos entered much too far into his personal space.

"I know something you don't know..." Xellos sung rocking his head from side to side.

Zel gave him an icy glare that peeled the paint from the ships walls. "And what is that."

"Ever wonder where Amelia has gotten to? Hmmm...?"

"She's with Lina, and as usual stuffing her face." He paused. "...Isn't she?"

Xellos shook his head. "Mm-mm-mm. Afraid not."

Zel grabbed hold of Xellos' uniform and swung him around so he slammed into the wall. Xellos giggled in an unhealthy way. "What have you done to her, bastard?" Zel's voice was dangerously low.

"Now, now. You know I can't be a bastard since I was never born."

Zel's comment was not at all polite. Xellos said "I'll whisper it to you because it's a secret..." He leaned forward but instead, he stuck his tongue in Zel's ear.

Zel turned an interesting color green, then dropped him and started to kick the crap out of him. "Tell me what you've done with her you filthy! Scummy! Perverted! Twisted! Sick! Freak of a Mazoku! The crew watched as their purple haired companion just grinned and laughed.

"Is that all you can do? Come on I hardly even felt that!"

Zel picked up his sword and stabbed down repeatedly, while onlookers grabbed onto him and tried to stop him. "Why won't you DIE for once! Just die and leave us ALONE!"

"Oh! That tickles! More, More, MORE! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

Zel shook the guys off and gathered energy around him.

Xellos sat up and smiled, his eyes still closed. Not a mark on him. He phased out, and appeared upside down above Zel's head. "Oh, Zelly, I would not recommend spell casting this soon after that knock to your noggen. Apart from the fact that we are surrounded by hundreds and thousands of people, and the vacuum of space can kill you, but not effect me what so ever, you could get a really, really bad head ache."

"Worse than YOU?!"

"Tisk, tisk. If you are incapacitated, then who will there be left to rescue the princess? Hmmm?"

Zel growled. "Where. Is. She?"

"Weeeell... That... Is a SECRET! Ha! I couldn't resist!" Zel grabbed Xellos by the neck and threw him through several walls. With a dark scowl to those around him, he stormed off to find Lina.

Xellos sat up after finding himself in someone's bedroom closet. What was that thing there? Looked kinda kinky. Have to show that to Zel sometime and see what he thinks. He sighed contently and laughed. That was one of the most satisfying meals he had ever had.

To be continued...

-IN-

Part 2:

"We are the Borg. We serve Justice. Beware Evil Doers."


	2. We are the Borg. We serve Justice. Beware evil doers.

Slayers CROSS by Zuzanny

Part 2:

We are the Borg. We serve Justice. Beware evil doers.

(INSERTLINEBREAKHERE)  
Lina leaned back against her chair, patting her full belly contentedly. "Oh yeah, that was great." She looked down on Naga, who was passed out on the floor in a tangle of chairs. At the moment they were the only ones left in the food lounge. "See? I was right. A kitchen full of never ending piles of food... And alcohol. *I* am ALWAYS right! Ha ha ha ha!"

"Do you think Zel would have woken up yet?" Gourry asked. "It would probably be a good idea if we went to visit him."

"LINA!" Came a cry of the fore mentioned friend from the hall way, followed by a crash. Lina turned in her seat to look. "Damn it you twisted freak! Leave me alone!"

"But Zeeeeel..."

Lina's ears pricked at that voice. "Xellos?" They both looked expectantly at the door.

"Let go of my arm!"

"I just want to show you some thing that I found."

There was a pause

"What is THAT!?" Zel's voice.

"I think it's used for..." Sounds of whispering.

"Yoooou... FRUITCAKE!" Zel yelled. "FLARE ARROW!" There was an explosion in the hall way, then the sound of stone hitting floor. "Owwww!" Lights flickered, and water sprayed. Alarms began to go off, and there was the sound of running feet.

Xellos' laughter. "I told you not to cast this soon. Mmmm... Tasty..." Lina and Gourry ran to the door and found Zel kneeling clutching at his head, while Xellos floated among a smouldering sphere that was cut from the ship. The spraying water avoided him, but decided that Lina, Gourry and Zel were great targets. Xellos peered strangely down at Zel, a hint of confusion in his eyes. But it was gone as soon as he noticed Lina.

"What are YOU doing here?" Lina demanded of Xellos while Gourry knelt beside Zel.

"Oh, I don't know-"

"Amelia." Zel ground out. "He has her... Somewhere." He then promptly passed out.

Lina and Gourry gave Xellos death stares, ignoring the arriving repair crew who were shouting things back and forth. "What. Have. You. Done. With. Her?!"

Xellos shrugged. "I have not done anything with her. Or TO her either. If stone boy here is too hot tempered to sit and listen for a few seconds, then it's no fault of mine! I'm not the one who left her behind on that planet." He opened his purple, slit eyes at Lina, giving her a meaningful look. "Am I?"

Lina cringed. "You mean she's still down there?! On her OWN?! WITH NO FOOD?!"

Xellos gave her a smug look. "She was last time I checked."

Suddenly a wicked glint shone in her eye. A smile appeared on Lina's lips. "You know, this could really work to my advantage. No more annoyingly long justice speeches! No more klutzy mess ups!" She looked at Gourry. "Well, sort of." She brightened. "No more super-bubbly-hypo-happy-freak-on-an-'I-love-Zel'-rant! Ha ha ha ha! This is GREAT news! Thanks Xellos! You're amazing!"

Xellos flinched away from her. "What?" His voice wavered.

Gourry gave her a dirty look. "Lina! What a thing to say."

"What? That Xellos is AMAZING! That he is so brilliant and handsome too!"

Xellos flinched away from her some more, taking a floating step back. "Lina... don't..."

Her eyes were big and sparkly as she moved closer to the floating man. "But Xellos, I must tell you how I feel about you. I know I had not realized it previously, but you actually have some qualities that a girl could like. Maybe even like a lot..."

Before It could get much more mushy, Xellos phased out with an audible "Gak!"

Lina looked down at her two male companions. Zel was struggling to regain consciousness. Gourry frowned at her. "Was all that really necessary?" He asked. "I mean, I know Amelia can be really... um... annoying sometimes, but is that any reason to leave her behind on a planet?"

"Hang on! I'm not the ONLY one who didn't notice she wasn't eating with us! Why do I have to be the one who gets the blame?!"

"Riiight. And another thing. Why'd you have to be so gushy over Xellos?"

Her face brightened into a smile. "Eh," She shrugged, and winked. "He's gone, isn't he?"

Zel moaned loudly, and struggled to sit upright. Blurring images of Gourry and Lina smiling down at him greeted his eyes. He only then seemed to notice that he was getting soaked. "Great." He murmured. "Now I'm all wet."

"Come on," Gourry started to heft him up. "Let's get out of this shower and see if they have a place that we can stay and get warm."

Lina grinned at him. "That's a great idea Gourry! WOW!" They supported Zel as he staggered down the corridor. Slowly he lifted his head. "Who are all those people?" He asked slowly, seeing the repair crew. "Are they shouting at us?"

Lina only just noticed that they were in fact being shouted at. "Well, exuuuuse me! " She shouted back. "But if you had to put up with Xellos' crap for half as long as we have, you would want to kill him too!"

(INSERTLINEBREAKHERE)

A ship zoomed through space, closely followed by another, much larger and nasty looking ship. The first ship flew around madly trying to evade the lazer fire, but that did not work very well, as it soon fell into a tractor beam and ended up locked to the bigger one. Unbeknownst to the bigger ship's inhabitants, the smaller ship was sending off a faint distress signal that was picked up by two ships. One closer than the other.

Within the larger ship there was a scream followed by amused laughter, as the generic evil space pirates set about beating up some generic neutral people just for fun, and generally terrorize the weak and helpless. So much were the pirates enjoying the interrogations that they did not notice that a large cube shaped object had just entered the same space they were in, and was rapidly gaining ground. Only when the proximity alert and hailing systems went off did they break their revelry.

"Evil pirates of space!" An emotionally charged individual cried from the cube. "Too long have you cowered in your pursuits of darkness instead of walking tall in the light of purity. Just as a beautiful flower can not bloom without the sun, so has your hearts become cold and barren with evil. Stop your persecution of those innocent travelers now, or face the wrath of justice!"

One of the pirates (who foolishly did not recognize the shape of the ship, thus not cowering in fear) snorted, and responded with a mocking: "And who's going to stop us?"

Suddenly several figures materialized on the pirates' bridge, all with wires and computer-type -bits sticking out of them all over. A tall male one stepped forward. "We are the Borg of Justice. You are to be Warned One More Time: Halt your Evil Deeds or Face our Wrath!"

(INSERTLINEBREAKHERE)  
Why am I here again? Why are we here again? Zel tried to remember, rubbing his temples gently, and looking up at the large table he, Lina, Gourry, the away team and the Captain who they had not yet met were seated at. Dianna sat opposite him, watching him with curiosity. Naga was not there. She had woken from her stupor some time previously and disappeared. No one really wondered about her safety. This was the star ship Enterprise after all, and there are never any bad people on board. A few possessed by strange beings composed only of energy with intentions that could cause a fair bit of damage to the world as we know it (or will know it) but no evil PEOPLE. Where ever Naga was she would be safe. WHO she was with may not be in quite the same shape again, however. But that's another story. (MWAaaa ha ha ha haaaaa...) Back to this story:

"It is unfortunate that your companion was left behind on that planet, but I'm afraid we currently can't go back and pick her up." Piccard was saying in his really cool accent.

"WHAAAAT? WHY THE HELL NOT?! THIS IS A SPACE SHIP ISN'T IT?! "

Zel grimaced at the level of Lina's voice. Oh yeah, we have to go back for... that girl... um...?

"Well, you see..." Captain Piccard tried to explain about the Borg and how dangerous they were. Lina just snorted.

"That's really pathetic. I'd just Dragu Slave their butts and send them running."

"Um, Lina, maybe they don't know how to Dragu Slave like you do and that's the reason they are so afraid of those booger people." Gourry suggested.

"Of course not! Only powerful sorcerers know how to do that!"

Coffee. NEEEEED COFFEE! COFFEEEEEEE! Can not think with out COFFEE!

"The Borg truly are dangerous beings." Data told her. "It would be safer for all involved if we waited until the Borg left that space before we went back to look for your companion."

Coffee. Not that nutty one I can get, or that Kenyan kind. Just good old caffeine -filled pure coffee with a tiny drop of water.

The Captain's com link beeped.

"Yes?" He said.

"Captain, we are receiving a distress signal. It sounds as though a small ship of generic good guys are being attacked by some generic evil space pirates. What do you advise?"

Lovely, thick coffee. Thick like honey or treacle, only coffee flavored. MMmmm... Zel had to wipe the saliva from his mouth.

"Save them, of course!" Piccard was glad to get out of there

"NO!" Lina yelled back. "You are going to turn this ship around and save Amelia!"

"Lina, aren't pirates bandits? As in have treasure too?" Gourry asked scratching his head.

Little cash signs shone briefly in her eyes. "... Yes they are." She adjusted her vest, then smiled brightly. "I am sorry captain, go ahead and save the generic good guys from those generic evil space pirates."

Piccard narrowed his eyes.

The come link beeped again.

"Piccard here."

"Captain, if we turn back 360 degrees, then we will reach the distressed ship in under an hour."

Lina did her patented victory sign, and giggled cutely.

Dianna leaned forward to get a better look at their stony friend. "Excuse me Lina, but is your friend feeling alright?"

Lina looked at Zel, and shrugged. "He's fine. Nothing a few cups of coffee wouldn't fix."

His head shot up at the mention of coffee. Eyes shining.

"No, I don't have any." She told him.

Zel's forehead hit the table, his shoulders shaking as her tried to hold back either sobs or laughter.

"There there." Lina patted his shoulder.

'Coffeeeeeee..."

To be continued...

-IN!-

"Where oh where has my Naga gone... And why do I care?"


	3. "Where, oh where has my Naga gone...? And why do I care?"

SlayersCROSS

by Zuzanny

Part 3: "Where, oh where has my Naga gone...? And why do I care?"

(INSERTLINEBREAKHERE)

As previously mentioned, Naga the serpent had managed to separate herself from Lina and the rest of Lina's entourage in a drunken state. No one was bothered, however, and knew she would be perfectly safe on the Star Ship since no one on board was ever really truly evil. That was just what would come on board later. But any way, due to the fact that none of the crew on the Enterprise were a dangerous in regards to a young lady's (HA!) dignity, no one was really worried for her.

They began to worry about Wesley, though, when he did not return for his shift on deck. For some strange reason, the computer could not locate him either. His communicator had been torn off (along with various other parts of his uniform) and left on the floor in his quarters. Piccard was now launching a full scale search for him.

"It's those blasted aliens again!" Piccard hissed in one of his moments of showing his true colours. "I just know it!"

Every one looked at him aghast.

"Which ones?" Data asked.

(INSERTLINEBREAKHERE)  
Wesley sighed with relief as he peeled himself from against the wall. The crazy drunk woman had passed him now, and he could escape his hiding spot and get back to the sane world.

Or... damn.

"OH HO HO HO HO HO HO HO! Weeeesleeey... oh WEEEEEEEEESLEEEEEEEEEEEY... Where are you hmmm?"

He tried tiptoeing across the hall way behind her. Unfortunately she turned and saw him. He froze in her lust filled gaze.

"OH HO HO HO HO HO! There you are, my sexy man!" She glomped him, crushing him against her body, even as he frantically scrambled away from her. She dragged him into a large empty room at the end of the hall, that opened up into a hot spring. "OOOOOOH HO HO HO HO! A HOT spring AND a sexy man! Ho HO HO Ho! Some one up there really likes me!" She dropped Wesley on the ground and leaned over him. An evil grin plastered on her face. "Now, my sexy young man," she licked her lips seductively,and ran a long finger down his chest. "What shall we do now that we are alone?"

Wesley's eyes were fixed on her cleavage, and he swallowed. "Uh... Wh-what do... What do y-you... want to... do?"

She winked. As if he needed to ask!

Later Wesley was found bound up in the hollodeck, garbed in an outlandish leather suit, whip marks scolding his back. His mother was horrified. Her baby had gone missing on the star ship! A deed thought previously impossible. Not only that but he had apparently been kidnapped and tortured! Poor baby! Poor, poor baby. She kept him in the sick bay over night to make sure he was not too overly traumatized. That smile of his was getting... a little disturbing.

Wesley could not stop smiling for an entire week. His eyes were big and watery. He kept giggling to himself, even when he was in the company of others. His colleagues were beginning to think he was going crazy. All he could say was: "They're natural! They really ARE natural!" And then giggle some more.

Naga, (do you remember Naga?) well she wandered in to a wedding of (Councillor Troy's people), wearing nothing but that empty bottle of some alcoholic beverage she was carrying. So nobody noticed. ...At first.

After a while she collapsed in another drunken stupor, and her loud snoring from the carpeted "runway" caused the ceremony to stop until she was "escorted" out. Then the ceremony started again. That was until there was a firey explosion that threw the two males carrying her back into the room.

"That will teach you not to touch the sacred drinking bottle of Naga! The serpent! Naga the serpent! Without my expressed written permission! OH HO HO HO HO HO HOOOOO!" She then stormed down the hallway, causing many a caste male she passed to faint from blood loss to the head. "hmmm," She thought to her self out loud. "I wonder why it's so drafty in here?"

To be continued...  
-IN!-  
"We are the Borg, and... Mister Zelgardis... you really have the most beautiful eyes...*sigh!*"


	4. "We are the Borg… And Mister Zelgadis? You have the most beautiful eyes!" *Sigh!*

(I am going to be doing a bit of Piccard and general Star Trek next gen. bashing in this one. Sorry, but I'm in a bad mood. Deal with it. Also, none of these characters are mine. The Star Trek Next gen. ones belong to whoever they belong to, and the same with the Slayers ones.)

SlayersCROSS part 4  
by Zuzanny

"We are the Borg… And Mister Zelgadis? You have the most beautiful eyes!" *Sigh!*

(INSERTLINEBREAKHERE)

Zelgadis wandered the hallways of the star ship in a mad search of the most precious thing in the entire whole void of space. Caffeinated Coffee. For some MORONIC reason, all they had on bored was DECAFF! What kind of primitive brain dead HACK ever came up with the idea that they could allow one board alcoholic drinks that melted brain cells almost as efficiently as any spilled drops melted the table top, BUT! But… NOT Caffeinated Coffee?! WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THIS PLACE?! Were these people INSANE?! One thing was for sure, if he did not get a caffeine fix soon he was really going to hurt some one. Maybe multiple some ones. Especially with that group of academy recruits that had taken it upon them selves to follow him around where ever he went. It was almost worse than having Amelia clinging to his arm. *SHUDDER!* What a horrible thought. Actually it WAS worse. They were all guys.

"So your skin really IS made of rock?"

"Can I... touch it?"

"How come you can still move around so easily?"

"I never met any one before who looked like you!"

"No doubt." Zel muttered.

"Is it true that where you came from, you and your friends had to pass through a town where only women were allowed, so you had to wear a dress?"

He span with a growl, grabbing the kid who said it by the shirt and lifting him close to his face. "WHO told you THAT?!"

The kid laughed a little nervously, sweat sprouting all over his face. "Uh…"

"I did." Came a cheerful voice from among the group. Zel dropped the kid and straitened, seeing the arm waving around enthusiastically. "It was me!"

"Xellos." Zel hissed with such hatred that the temperature of the deck was lowered several degrees.

Xellos turned back to telling his story. "And he looked so pretty in that dress. It's really hard to believe it to look at him now…" Xellos gave Zel a quick up and down with his eyes, licking his lips suggestively. "But then again… maybe not."

"Xellos," Zel said dangerously.

"And he even managed to fall for the princess of the land too. Rescued her from the clutches of evil…"

"Xellos!"

"…shed his dress or her…"

"XELLOS!"

"It was a real pity she turned out to be a HE, wasn't it Zel?"

"That's. IT!" Zel plowed through the recruits and grabbed Xellos by the neck, hell bent on ripping his head off. "I'M SICK OF YOU PUBLICLY HUMILIATING ME EVERY CHANCE YOU GET!"

"I don't do that," Xellos smiled. "You do that your self!"

"I'M GOING TO RIP THAT SMILE FROM YOUR FACE WITH MY BARE HANDS!"

"But Zel," Xellos grinned, still perfectly calm. "you do not have 'bear hands'. They're made of stone."

"AAARGH!" Zel cried in frustration, squeezing tighter. "SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP FOR ONCE AND LET ME KILL YOU!"

"OoOoh…" Xellos moaned and writhed in a manner that suggested he was enjoying the situation much more than he had proper right to. "Harder Zel… Do it… HARDER!"

That was enough to bring Zel back to his senses. He dropped Xellos like a sack, and turned away from the Mazoku, taking deep breaths and counting to a hundred to control his anger. The recruits around them were looking somewhat stunned. Some were pointing little things at them. Zel figured they must be some kind of weapon. He'd seen them before. One recruit leaned down to Xellos.

"Are you okay, Mr. Xellos?"

"Yeah I'm fine. We were just flirting."

"FLIRTING?!" Zel span again, snatched one of the little things out of someone's hands and pointed it at Xellos. "DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!"

A beam shot out of the little thing and slashed across Xellos' shoulder down to his middle, then it was gone. There was a silence. Zel breathed heavily, eyes latched onto Xellos' who's were wide, surprised.

Then Xellos' arm fell off, hit the deck this an audible THUNK, and vanished. "Oh my." He blinked. "You seem to have cut me. HMMM… Interesting weapon that."

Zel gave the little thing in his hand a brief glance, then looked back at Xellos. Himself completely stunned.

"Well," Xellos shrugged. "This will take me a while to recover from, so I think I will get going now." He vanished, then reappeared right in front of Zel. "But don't think next time I will be so easy to hit." He winked, then vanished again, laughter echoing in the air.

And the recruits panicked. Some pointed their lasers at Zel, others fled screaming, some just started screaming.

Zel smiled slowly. At last… At last he had a weapon that he could use against Xellos! Ha ha ha ha ha haa….. Now if only those idiots would shut up. They were giving him a head ache. He decided that the risk to his headache was good enough, and gathered the energy in his hands. "Flare…. ARROW!"

KA-BOOM!

Ha. That sure shut them up. But it just sent to alarms off again. Vaguely he wondered if he would get in trouble for blowing something up again. Right now though, he didn't care. If they didn't have decent coffee, it was their own fault!

(INSERTLINEBREAKHERE)  
This is an add break. Go to the toilet. Get a drink. Go do something, that's what this is here for. Go on. Shoo, Shoo. Just make sure you come back afterwards. :)

(INSERTLINEBREAKHERE)  
The Starship Enterprise had picked up a distress signal from the ship of generic neutral people, but the crew were surprised to find nothing there when they arrived at the coordinates.

"There's nothing here, Captain." The Ensign informed Piccard as he leaned into the control panel.

"There must be. Scan for debris and weapons discharge."

"Already done, Sir. There are traces of laser discharge from a generic evil pirate space ship, but it is as though they just disappeared."

Suddenly a large cube shaped ship uncloaked before them, sending the crew of the Enterprise into complete panic.

"THE BORG! AAAAAARGH!"

"ATTACK! ATTACK! ATTACK!" Piccard ordered viciously. Then several pillars of light shimmered in various places around the bridge that materialized into Borg. (Some appeared on top of the control panels, flipped off, and landed flat on their faces before quickly recovering.)

A large once-male one stepped towards the captain, and announced in a charged up, high squeaky voice: "I am Doenan of Borg. In the Name of the Pure Light of Justice, we Demand you Hand Over the Sorceress Lina Inverse and her Companions for Assimilation Immediately."

The star ship Captain looked at this particular Borg utterly dumbfounded, the rest of the crew were trying not to laugh. "Huh?"

Donean of Borg repeated it's self. "I am Doenan of Borg. In the Name of the Pure Light of Justice, we Demand you Hand Over the Sorceress Lina Inverse and her Companions for Assimilation Immediately."

"You mean you are not interested in us?"

Doenan looked down at the captain as though he was some disgusting thing. "Why would we Borg be interested in a Mere Space Captain when the Likes of the Dragon Spooker are aboard?"

"You do realize that as the captain of this ship, I cannot let you simply kidnap my passengers. They fall under my protection. We have fought the Borg before and won."

"That may have been True in the Past. But We fight for Justice and Truth! If you do not Comply with our Demands, then we will Purify your Ship with the Radiant Light of our Superior Laser Weaponry."

Piccard grimaced. Not exactly from the threat either.

"You have Exactly One Hour starting now to Hand Over the Sorceress and her Companions, or we will Destroy you. We will wait here until you Comply."

The Borgs all froze in their stances.

Meanwhile…

Lina, Gourry and Naga were back in the ship's lounge inhaling food faster than the machine could create it. Actually Lina and Gourry were. NAGA was once again collapsed under a table in one of her drunken stupors (after she found some clothes). She was snoring loudly at the feet of some stranger with a large smile on her face. Although, her smile was not as large- or as satisfied- as his.

Lina was not exactly sure where Xellos disappeared himself to, but she wasn't particularly worried. She was mainly worried about Amelia. And about Zelgadis who right now was in Psychological therapy with councilor Troy after coffee withdrawal sent him psycho tripping and he blew the crap out of a bunch of academy recruits (although strangely enough, this did not KILL them). After Lina explained to the captain about Zel's need for a caffeine fix, Doctor Crusher made up a substitute. Fortunately after just four jugs of the stuff, he was subdued enough to think rationally again.

LINA'S MENTAL NOTE:

Do not let Zel go more than three hours without coffee break unless facing another dark lord.

Although amusing to watch, Zel - coffee = sadistic bastard.

(INSERTLINEBREAKHERE)

Zelgadis' counseling session….

Zelgadis was lying on the couch in Councilor Troy's office nursing a monster head ache, while Dianna sat opposite him looking mildly amused.

"Tell me Mister Greywords, do you know why you are here?"

Zel grumbled something about dirty (explicative deleted)[1] Mazoku's, and (explicative deleted, EXPLICATIVE DELETED!) red priests.

"I'm sensing that you hold great pain within you."

"(Explicative deleted) yeah." He almost laughed, then fell quiet.

Troy sat patiently, waiting for him to continue. Almost ten minutes went by in total silence. She sighed. "You know, talking about it could help ease your pain."

Zel snorted. "That's (explicative deleted) bullcrap."

"No, it's not. And I would appreciate it if you would not use that sort of language in my presence.

This ship holds a high standard in all areas, including the type of language that is spoken."

Zel rolled his eyes then went quiet.

"So are you going to tell me?" She asked after a few more minutes of silence.

"Tell you what?" He snapped.

"Why you caused that group of recruits to… explode. Or what ever it was you did."

He mumbled something.

"Hmmm?" She lent forward expectantly.

"I said, I didn't cause them to explode. I hit the (explicative deleted) heads with a flare arrow… Sorry."

"So you can generate fire out of thin air. Tell me, when did you first discover that you were pyrokinetic?"

"I'm NOT pyrokinetic." He said sounding rather peeved. "That's more like Lina."

"Oh? So how do you explain your ability to generate balls of fire out of thin air?"

Zell sighed with resignation. "All right, all right. I'll tell you. Do you want the abridged version, or the long version; complete with full orchestration, four part harmony and glossy photographs?"[2]

Troy blinked. "Huh?"

Zel sighed again. "*sigh!*" Then proceeded to tell his tragic tale of manipulation, betrayal, murder, lost love, and psychotic relatives.

Halfway through discussing the princess in the city of women who was the love of his life- but also turned out to be a GUY, Troy's comlink beeped.

"Troy here." She said.

"Councilor Troy," Came Piccard's voice. "Is Mister Greywords with you still?"

"Yes." She replied.

"Could you kindly escort him to the bridge. We have a small emergency and… he and his friends need to know the situation."

"What's happening?" Zel asked, leaning forward.

"What about reaching his friends?" Troy asked instead.

"Already on their way." Piccard replied.

"Understood." She said. "Troy out."

Zel sat looking at Troy's face coldly as she rose to her feet. "What is this about?"

"I'm not sure. It's a real pity because I feel we have made real progress today. How do you feel?"

Zel smiled slightly. "Better. I think."

"Good. Now come on."

After a few minutes of walking in silence side by side, Zel and Troy reached the command deck. They paused out side the door, hearing the sounds of Lina ranting at the top of her voice.

"Uh-oh." Zel sighed. "This does not sound good." The door slid open, and Zel saw Gourry standing holding Naga up, beside the captain, while Lina was in the center of the deck engaged in wrestling and screaming at a large, vaguely humanoid creature with wires, and metallic objects sticking out of and even replacing body parts. Looking around the room at these creatures, he counted nine of them engaged in various forms of intimidation… And the seventh one was rather curvaceous, but he wasn't looking at that. No. He wasn't. Zel also noticed that Lina looked quite pissed off, Gourry was worried and ready to jump into the action, and Naga was just pissed. As usual. The starship crew were watching with stunned looks on their faces.

"HOW DARE YOU CALL ME EVIL YOU ….." She continued to rant and rave and wrestle.

However as soon as Zelgadis stepped off of the elevator and onto the deck, all of the nine wired up creatures sharply turned their heads to his direction… and SMILED at him with the most dopey smiles he had ever seen on anyone else… they were all blushing too. This worried him.

"HEY!" Lina growled at the one she HAD been wrestling with. "YOU GET BACK HERE! I HAVEN'T FINISHED WITH YOU YET!"

"What on earth?" Zel said to himself, as all nine dropped what they were doing, covered their blushing faces with their hands and cried in unison "Oh Mister Zelgadis! We missed you so MUCH!" Then as one they glomped[3] him.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHH!"

To be continued…  
*IN*

part 5: What ever I decide to call it at the time…

[1] Just in case you were wondering, these were not actually edited out by anyone but myself.

[2] This is a reference to Allo Guthrie's " Alice's Resturant." Actually several references.

[3] "glomped", as I understand it from the fanfic world is a generic term meaning jumping onto someone and grabbing hold of them. Usually in a somewhat rough, but affectionate, way. That is my understanding, but don't quote me on that. That is the meaning I put to it here.


	5. "What Ever I Decide to Call it at the Time..." also known as  "Beige and Blue and Borg-ed all over"

Slayers and it's characters do not belong to me. Same with Star trek next gen. blah, blah, blah... Piccard and all the rest are out of character, but that's called POETIC LICENSE! so NEEEEER:p

December 2002

SlayersCROSS  
by Zuzanny

Part 5

"What Ever I Decide to Call it at the Time..."

also known as

"Beige and Blue and Borg-ed all over"

(INSERTLINEBREAKHERE)

"Captains Log. Star date... I can't remember, it's been so LONG out here! Besides exactly which star are we taking out dates from? I mean, look out any of the windows, there are billions and squillions of them out there and we have no idea how long they have been there. So do we take the date from the Earth's star? Again how do we know the ACTUAL date, Hmmm? All we have is theoreticals. How long has our sun really been there? Billions of years? Squillions? How long has Earth been there for that matter? Did we evolve from proto-plasmal, primordial atomic globules(1)? Or Apes? Or were we shaped from the ground and placed here?"

"You were placed here." Came a voice from across his desk. Jean-Luc looked up with startlement to see a young man with shoulder length purple hair, closed eyes, and the biggest smile possible standing there like he owned the place.

"What! How did you get in here!"

"Call me Xellos," the purple haired man said, reaching out a friendly hand, which Piccard did not shake. "As for how I got in here, well... that's a secret!" Piccard simply stared at Xellos as he sat in the chair opposite. "I want to know about your 'tri-quarters'."

Piccard blinked. "What about them? And how are you so sure humans were made and did not evolve?"

"Trust me, humans were made. Same with everything else."

"How is it possible that the universe and all that is in it were made in seven days? That can't be right."

"Oh, no." Xellos laughed. "It was only six days. The seventh was the big rest day. Surly you know your history. That rest day sure was needed after all that work!"

Piccard gave Xellos a look that said I don't believe you.

"What is it about Humans and historical events?" Xellos sighed. "Even when it is recorded you don't believe it really happened. I know that if I created the world and then my creation forgot all about it I'd be pretty insulted. Humans are lucky to still be alive, with that sort of attitude."

"How can you be so sure that it did happen that way? You weren't there-"

Xellos gave Piccard a sly look and tisked his finger back and forth. "Uh-uh-uh, you don't know that!" Then he changed the subject. "Now about that weapon..."

"No!" Piccard slapped the table top which made Xellos jump back. "You tell me what you mean by being there when the world was made!"

Xellos shrugged. "I never said I was." Piccard growled and reached for his tricorder threateningly. Xellos held up his hands in defeat. "Okay, okay. I wasn't actually there. But I know someone who was and she says you were made and put on Earth. No evolving from primordial soup, and no ape-men." Xellos stood to pace back and forth. "I actually think that idea is pretty funny. If humans evolved from apes, then why are there still apes around? Why are there still other animals for that matter since humans tend to think they are on the top of the food chain. If it really is all just survival of the fittest then why do humans send all their fittest and smartest off to fight and die in wars? It just shows that you should never underestimate the weak."

Xellos reached to try and get his hands on Piccards weapon, but Piccard put up his foot to push him away. Now Xellos was on the floor with Piccard's foot on his head, while he tried to reach past Piccard's legs to his crossed arms which held the prize. Piccard was thinking. His whole existance MEANT something now. He was not just a fluke, but a specially created being. It sort of made him feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.

"But then why have there been so many wars and horrors in which so many people had died horribly and slowly? Why does God allow people to hurt each other?"

"Because it's fun to watch." Xellos grunted still trying to reach. "At least for us. We're not God so I can't really tell you his motivation."

Oh-kaaaay... "What do you want this thing for anyway?" Piccard suddenly let Xellos drop to the floor, looking at his tricorder.

Xellos smiled innocently up at him, which was really a mask of something nasty. But Piccard was inexperienced with Masokus so he couldn't tell. "Oh, I just want to carve up some stone."

Seeing nothing particularly wrong with carving up stones- they were not the ship balk heads, or weapons, or PEOPLE after all- he tossed the little weapon over for Xellos to catch.

Xellos did.

And laughed evily before vanishing like he had never been there.

Piccard turned from the spot which seconds ago had held a strange young man and wondered - not for the first time - if he were going just a tad loopy.

That's right. I was talking into my log wasn't I? Stardate... Wait. That's no longer important. It's today. As much as today can be a day in the middle of space... Oh forget it. I'm going back out there.

(INSERTLINEBREAKHERE)

Captain Piccard raised his eyebrows.

Riker stood with his mouth gaping open, speechless.

Dianna said: "Hmmm..."

Lina was rolling around on the command deck clutching her sides and laughing her guts out. All at the display of... affection? Attention? Obsession would probably be the best word to describe what the group of Borg were giving Zelgadis. All that could be seen of our stone-skinned hero was his hand. Sticking out the top of the pile of swarming "Borg of Justice" or what ever they were calling themselves.

"Get OFF me!" Zel yelled, surging up out of them and tossing them aside like rag dolls. The Enterprise team were impressed. Even Data. The Borg all looked up at him with big, bulging, adoring eyes that just made you want to vomit and said in unison :

"Mister Zelgadis? You're so MEEEEEAN!"

Zel twitched with horror.

Lina cackled even louder.

"It looks like they like you Zel." Gourry chirped.

"Yeah like I need ANOTHER fan club following me around asking embarrassing questions..." Zel muttered, then backed away some when he noticed that the borg were all crawling towards him, sighing in love-sick ways. "Ick!"

"This is fascinating, Captain," Data said. "I have never before seen the Borg behave in such a manor."

"I wonder if the entire Borg system is doing the same thing?" Rika wondered out loud.

"Wouldn't that mean all of them would come here?" Dianna said, watching as Zel backed away to a wall, and shook a couple off his feet. Real panic was starting to set in as Zel had never had people behave this way towards him, and he was getting very close to climbing the wall to escape. "This could turn out very bad."

"L-lina?" Zel emplored across the deck to the sorceress. "Help?" Lina continued to cackle until she heard the sound of fabric ripping and the Borg converged upon Zel again. Then she rolled up her slieve.

"Alright, enough is enough! Let's see how you like-"

Suddenly all nine Borg turned to stone and fell off Zel with a clunk on the deck. Zel gasped for air, then stepped forward to look around with confusion.

"What the?" Lina blinked.

Xellos phased out of the wall behind Zel, and wrapped his arms around Zel's upper arms and chest. "Hello there Stoney!" Xellos chirped happily.

"Let go!" Zel cried, trying to escape Xellos' hold and failing.

"Xellos!" Lina yelped.

Xellos opened his slit masoku eyes and looked directly at Lina. "MINE!" He pulled Zel back into the wall and they vanished.

Everyone stared.

"Stoney?" Piccard wondered out loud, remembered what Xellos had said earlier about carving up stone. "Oh. Dear."

"Where did they go, Lina?" Gourry asked her quietly.

"I don't know," She replied just as quiet, but then became determined. "YET!" She promptly stormed out of the command deck with Gourry (and Naga) on her heals.

"What do we do with those?" Rika asked Piccard of the stoned Borg. Piccard got an interesting glint in his eyes.

"Jettison them."

To be continued...?

(1)The Mikado. (Tee hee hee!)


End file.
